The Opening of the Rose Stargate 11:11:11 (The Energies for November 2009)

Archangel Michael through Celia Fenn
Meditation by Mary Magdalene

“The Sacred Rose Mandala” created by a group of Lightworkers in Buenos Aires, Argentina on 1st November 2009.

Beloved Lightworkers, you enter into a sacred moment as the Light intensifies. This is the moment when the Sacred Rose Stargate begins to open and you begin to align your Consciousness with the Cosmic Creation Matrix, in preparation for the final steps in your current Evolutionary Journey of Transformation.

This 11:11 portal is especially powerful, for it is in effect an 11:11:11. The triple energies represent an activation point for the energies of the Divine Christ Light. At this time, there will be an “explosion” of Radiance, and you will begin to activate the Rose Stargate or Portal that will be your connection point to the Cosmic Consciousness.

Dearest Ones, in this last phase of your transformation, you have activated your original perfection blueprint in your DNA, balanced your inner masculine and feminine energies, and brought your Lightbody into full activation. You have activated the Pineal gland and begun the process of transforming the gland into its crystalline new energy form so that it can receive and transmit the higher frequencies of crystalline light.

Now, you begin to unfurl the “petals” of the Rose within your energy field and to form or create the Auric “stargate” that will allow you to access the Cosmic Light of the “One” directly and as a Collective. As you begin to formulate this coherent pattern of Beauty within your energy body, so the Planet also begins to create this stargate beginning over that region that you know as the southern pole.

Beloved Ones, this is the culmination of the Mystery of the Sacred Rose and the Twin Flame, and the Activation of the Grail Codes. The Sacred Rose is the symbol of the Ascended Christ Consciousness, as it encodes a Sacred Truth about Who You Are and your Ascension process.

Let us explain it this way. The Grail Codes of Light activate the potential within your physical being to carry the Golden Flame of the Christ Consciousness. This is also symbolized by the Golden Chalice. You, yourselves, in your enlightened physical body, are the “chalice” that holds the golden and infinite light of Spirit.

The Sacred Symbol for the Ascended Christ teaching is the Rose within the Chalice. Beloved Ones, the Rose is your Light Body Spinal channel, culminating in the “Flower” of life, the Rose Stargate that connects you to your Divinity and the Divine Cosmic Consciousness of the Cosmic Creation Matrix.

This Rose, or in the eastern tradition, the Lotus flower, opens to create a portal to Cosmic Consciousness, and it was known to the Ancients to be a part of the “design” of the “Divine Human” or Human Angel. Many of the ancient spiritual practices were designed to ascend power up the spinal channel of light and to open the “blossom” which was the Sacred Geometric Portal known as the Rose Stargate.

This flower design was encoded into the great cathedrals of France, such as Notre Dame de Chatres, that honored the life and teachings of “Our Lady”, the Feminine Christ Light of Mary Magdalene and her partner, Yeshua ben Josef.

And so, Beloved Ones, the Sacred Rose of the Flower of Life is the Cosmic Stargate that you will begin to formulate and “unfurl” in your Soul Star energy field, as you and your Planet are rebirthed and restructured into the Great Cosmic Rose or Flower. This is the Geometry of the Stargate Harmonic that will facilitate your final ascension into the Cosmic Heart and Mind and the full Creation and Experience of the New Earth.

Beloved Lightworkers, as you activate the Sacred Rose, you will indeed need to hold the highest vibration of Peace and Love. You are creating, within your Spiritual Body or spherical energy field, a Sacred Geometric design of the Highest Frequency available the Humans at this time. This pattern of Higher Coherence will need to be held in place by the physical energy of Coherence and Integrity, or the energies will become unbalanced and will collapse into chaos very easily. If this happens, dearest ones, do not panic or become anxious or depressed. Return to your Heart center, as we have taught you, and breathe deeply, connecting with the Golden Flame of the Christ Consciousness and the energy of Unconditional Love. Connect with the Sacred Heart energy within, balance your inner masculine and feminine energies through intention and enter into Sacred Union with your Soul and Spirit, as we have taught you. So, you will return to patterns of Coherence and Grace and Beauty and Integrity.

For, you are the Sacred Rose, you are Beauty and Coherence and Grace and Passion. You are Divine Love enfolded into Human Form.

At this time of 11:11:11, those of you who are ready will begin to create the Rose, or “unfurl” the “petals” of Light that will coalsce into the Rose Stargate of Cosmic Light and Consciousness.

The Sacred Rose Meditation for the 11:11:11 given by “Our Lady” Mary Magdalene in her role as Teacher of the Christ Consciousness
Beloved Flowers of Light and Love, you have reached a very Sacred Moment when you are ready to become the Sacred Rose. I ask you, now, to be with me and to allow the Radiant Christ energy to enter into your being and to allow you to open the Rose of Cosmic Consciousness. This was the work that I did with my Beloved, with the purpose of raising your consciousness to the point where you could truly embrace the Divine and Cosmic aspects of your Being. It is that point where you know within your heart and soul and body that You Are Heaven on Earth and that you are the Rose of the Christ Light.
So, sit very quietly, and allow yourself to breathe very deeply. Focus into your beautiful and Sacred Heart and feel the Flow of the Divine Energy moving through you. You are Beautiful and you are Loved, so deeply Loved. Feel that Love moving through every cell in your body and every aspect of who you are in the Realms of Light. You are so deeply Loved. Breathe that Love. Feel it in your Heart. It is best if you breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth, letting the breathe of life move through your body. You are Loved.

So, sit in this way and allow yourself to breathe for at least ten minutes. After this time, your body should be still and your mind clear. Now, focus into your Heart again and ask your Higher Self to align your inner Divine Masculine and Feminine energies. Feel the explosion of ecstatic radiance in your Heart moving down your body through your lower chakras and into the Earth, down to the Earth Star. You are grounded and your are connected to the Earth. Feel the Love flowing from your Heart to the Earth and back into your Heart. Breathe that Love into your Being.

Now, as you bask gently in that Beautiful Love, feel the energy of Divine Grace all around you. You are held in Grace and Beauty, and you trust absolutely that you are being supported and guided by the Divine Light within. So, now, allow yourself to feel the channel in your Light Body that aligns with your spine, and allow yourself to pull that energy of Love up that channel, through the Heart channel and up into the Crown. At this point, you will feel the Pineal Gland activate in an explosion of Light and Love, and that Light will travel upwards, and the petals of the Rose will begin to open.

It will be the most beautiful and ecstatic experience, if you are ready to receive the Divine Love that will pour through you and into your Heart and down into the Earth. And you will feel the Rose opening all around you. The colors will swirl around you and you will feel movement, as your Spirit Sphere restructures into the Sacred Geometric patterns of the Sacred Rose.

Dearest Children of Light, know that you are Loved. Know that this beautiful Rose of Light will be the Spirit and Soul vehicle that will lift you into Cosmic Consciousness. We celebrate with you the opening of the Rose….the Flower of Love. Feel how this restructuring will open you to the Cosmic Creation Matrix, the Great Womb of all Creation. You will know, as I knew, your own Divine Essence and you will become One with the Divine Light of Creation.

Beloved Children of Light, this was my work and my purpose with my Beloved. And we succeeded. For now, we are here to give to you these simple words that will begin to fire the completion sequence of the Grail Codes in those who are prepared to accept their own transformation and emergence into the New Earth way of Being. For us, this is a moment of Great Joy, as we see the completion of that which we came to do two thousand years ago. And we rejoice that not only our work finds completion, but the work of many others who have served the Divine Plan for your Evolution and Ascension into the Flower of Light that you Are.

So, at the end of this meditation, know that the process has begun. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to return your focus to your Heart. Again, breathe deeply, and allow the focus of your awareness to enter into your body once again.

Beloved Ones, know that as this Rose opens in your Spirit Sphere, you will feel and experience great change. You will feel safe, you will feel loved, you will feel Connected to Our Love, and you will know that All is Well, no matter what you must move through. You will feel Light at Heart and you will enjoy Life as you feel the richness and the abundance of Divine Blessing around you. You are truly home with your Beloved!

But, as our dearest Archangel did say to you, you will need to walk now in the absolute highest integrity and truth, whatever your Truth is. Speak your Truth and live your Truth. You will need to be Awake and Aware and discerning, you will need to be open and loving and honest. For to accept the Rose of Light into your Spirit Sphere is to commit to a life Ethical Purity and Integrity, and anything that is not in the highest integrity for you will create instant discord and disharmony that can only be aligned by returning to that state of Grace and Love and Harmony that is the result of living in the Highest Integrity, Truth and Love.

And so, we leave you with great Joy in our Hearts!

You are Loved. You are Beautiful. You are Divine Light. You are the Sacred Rose!

© 2009-10 Celia Fenn and Starchild Global

Natalia featured in the UN World bulletin and Physicians for Social Responsibility

I am so excited that my video address to President Obama was one of the ten chosen by the UN and the one featured in the UN world bulletin.

UN members were asked to submit videos telling President Obama what he should focus on at his first United Nations meeting in September. I, as a UN-LA member and PSR-LA Peace and Security Ambassador, made a video asking the President to focus on nuclear disarmament. Please follow the links below:

http://www.unausa.org/obamaspeakstotheworld/worldbulletin

http://www.psr-la.org/psr-la-ambassador-natalia-koteva-featured-on-un-website/

THE DANCE OF LOVE AND PEACE: THE ENERGIES FOR OCTOBER 2009

The Pink Heart” by Ofira Oriel of Israel at www.oriel-o.com 

Beloved Lightworkers, so now you enter into the flow of energy that will create the month of October! Indeed, you have passed through the powerful “portal” or dimensional gateway of the 9:9 on the 9th of September, and now you are flowing towards the 10:10 on the 10th of October. At the 9:9 you were able to experience an ending and a new beginning. The 10:10 will be a 1:1 doorway, an entry to new levels of experience and awareness that will culminate at the 11:11 gateway, when you will experience the full impact of the new energies in new levels of awareness. At the 12:12 in December and at the December Solstice, you will be guided into a powerful new understanding of your work as a creative expression of Divine Love on Earth. Indeed, beloved Lightworkers, December and January will be months of transition, bridging energies away from the old and into the New that wll be expressed in the first half of the year 2010.

So, Beloved Ones, let us now focus on this month of October. The Full Moon falls at the beginning of the month, on the 4th. The Moon will be in Aries and the Sun in Libra. At this time, the energies of BALANCE will be most important. Can you hold your inner balance in PEACE and LOVE at this time? Can you center in your I AM presence and be at PEACE with yourself and all others, and at the same time, can you be part of the One Heart and the One Mind. Can you say “I AM” and also “WE ARE”, together as ONE?

Beloved Souls, in this New Energy, it will be necessary to be able to feel yourself as part of the wider community and to feel as “one” with others, and to feel that from your Heart. The question that is now being asked of you is “how may you serve the new energies and the new light?”. What will you do to be a full expression of the Love of Source that is being transmitted through you?

At the time of the New Moon, on the 18th, it will be a good time to meditate on your relationship with your community and how you may best serve that community by being a bearer of the New Codes and energies for the New Earth. Meditate on how you can be an expression of Love just be Being Who You Are and by fully expressing Who You Are. Remember, Beloved Ones, that each of you carries the Divine Flame within your Heart, and each one of you is an expression of the Divine Love and Grace of God. It is only for you to exercise your free will and to choose how you, as an individual, will be an expression of the Divine Grace within the One Energy of Community.

In this month too, the old energies of the Atlantean Negative Codes continues to be released on very deep levels, to allow for it to be replaced with the Light of the New Earth Codes that are guiding the Evolution of Humanity on its Journey into Higher Expressions of Light. The old trauma of the Atlantean “disaster” continues to reverberate through the psyches of those who seek to hold onto the old ways of power and control and manipulation. Beloved Ones, know that those who seek these darker paths do so because they feel a deep inner fear and a sense of guilt and unworthiness. They fear that they have “failed” and that God has abandonned them, so they need to try to control their own destiny instead of allowing their destiny to be a part of the greater plan of Love and Compassion. And, when you enter into dramas of duality with such ones, you merely reinforce their sense of unworthiness and lack. Far better it is, dear ones, to forgive such ones and to release then from their roles as bearers of the illusion of darkness. For when you forgive, then you release. You do not condone actions that are based in low vibrations of fear, but you release the effects that such energies may have on you.

Now, as for the Negative Atlantean Codes and the energies of “victim” that are surging through the Collective to be released, we will say that FORGIVENESS is the first step. Forgive, Release, and let go. The Victim Dramas are not part of the New Earth, nor ever will be. As you forgive those who still seek to perpetuate those dramas, you also release yourself from being drawn into the weavings of this very old trauma based energy. And, you move upwards into the clear Spiral of Light that expresses the Divine Energies of COMPASSION and BEAUTY and KINDNESS and CREATIVITY and PEACE.

For, Beloved Ones, in this month of October, you will be challenged to make that choice to be a vessel for the flow of the energies of PEACE and COMPASSION. Now, firstly, Compassion is not a passive energy, it is the active expression of Divine Passion, the Divine Passion to Love and to Create. Those who express Compassion are those who are motivated by Love to be an expression of Divine Grace and Peace.

And, Beloved Ones, Peace is not just the absence of war and aggression. Peace is the Active Energy of Creation expressing itself through Harmony and Balance and Love.

PEACE is an energy that Flows and Creates! It creates Joy within communities and Contentment within the Hearts of people. To be an “instrument of God’s Peace” is to bring Joy and Contentment to those places where they are lacking. And, beloved ones, when you are awakened and awake, each one of you has the the ability to be a vessel of Peace, just by being who you are and centered in your heart. When you offer yourself in the service of this energy, then you will be shown new opportunities to be a Light to the Earth, and to express Compassion, Tenderness, Intimacy, Beauty, and Grace to all that you meet.

Beloved Ones, we will say that the creation or weaving of Peace is the Dance of Love on the Earth. You hear the Divine Music coming from the Great Heart of Source, and being echoed in the Heart of the Earth Mother. And so, as you align with the Divine Tones and Sounds, and the Divine Colors and Forms, you begin to weave your life and to move in harmony with the Divine Music. As a skilled dancer, you follow the flow of the music and each step is an expression of that music in Time and Space.

You are the Dancer and Life is the Dance! You are the Music – you are the Artist, Creator and Weaver! When you weave with the Conscious Intention to follow Divine Harmony as it flows,you become One with the Divine Dance of Love. You become the Dance of Love, and where you are people hear the Music of the Dance and they feel inspired to begin to dance themselves. And soon, everyone is moving in alignmenmt, everyone is dancing the dance of Love that is called Peace.

So, Beloved Ones, we ask, in this month of October, that you center in your Hearts, that you hold your Inner Peace, and become a Living Expression of the Dance of Love.

 

The Energies for October

The Full Moon in Aries falls on the 4th of October, and the New Moon in Libra, on the 18th of October.

The 10:10 portal on the 10th of October will also provide momentum in the unfolding and experience of the New Earth energies.

The sun moves from Libra into Scorpio on the 23rd of October, and the energy will then shift towards an inner focus of awareness and inner light as you move towards the 11:11 portal in November.

We wish you Joy and Peace as you Dance with the Music of Divine Love in the month of October.

 

© 2009-10 Celia Fenn and Starchild Global

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Some interesting and quite disturbing information from the CPTA(California Physical Therapy Association) conference, Day I

• Question:  Can you tell me what GM (General Motors) are about? No, really – what do they do?

             “Well, GM is an automobile company” – that’s what I usually get- “and they are going bankrupt.” ”Well,” – I’ll say – “No!” They do make cars, yet this is not at all the core of their business and purpose. GM is actually one of the largest HMOs in the US. GM is in fact health insurance company,  not an automobile company.

• The WHO (World Health Organization) ranks the U.S.  37^th in the world in regards to quality care.
• 250, 000 total deaths occur annually in hospitals from totally preventable medical/hospital errors. That is a quarter of a million people are killed in the hospitals form hospital personnel neglect.

              I remember when I did my first clinical rotation (in one of the largest HMOs actually) in inpatient and the    patients on one floor all got UTIs (Urinary Tract infection) – what from? – one of the health care staff went on changing patients’ catheters room after room without changing their gloves. Now, for you and me, generally healthy individuals a UTI may not be a big deal. However, for someone already in the hospital secondary to a preexisting condition and weakened immune system a UTI can (and has been) a cause of death. These are the so called iatrogenic causes or hospital acquired illnesses. 

• Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) testing is absolutely ineffective and mostly does NOT prevent prostate cancer.

-         In the U.S., about 50 – 60% of men over 50 years are required to do PSA testing. In the UK, it is only 5-6 %.

-         Society says, “More testing is better,” but really? Does it actually prevent illness occurrence or does it just increase spending? In the case of PSA testing, it actually has resulted in more and more biopsies and prostatectomies, many of which have been unnecessary. So what happens when a man has a prostatectomy? – He becomes sexually impotent. Guess who is most supportive of PSA screening and prostatectomy. It is Pfizer – the Viagra drug manufacturer.

• In the UK, self-examination/diagnosis for breast cancer is not encouraged because most of the things found are benign. Additionally, it causes more anxiety, fear and depression. However, the case in the U.S. is quite the opposite because we  are a consumer oriented want-it-now society – and we are coming to pay a high price for that.
• The U.S. has one of the highest infant mortality rates in the world (that’s even compared to “developing” countries).
• Over 100,000 people are killed and over 2 million maimed and disabled every year…year after year from modern medicine (that is not in hospital inpatients).
• 45 million people are without health insurance in the U.S.
• Low back pain is the 5^th most common reason for doctor’s office visits in the U.S.
• The rate of spinal surgery in the U.S. is 5 times greater than that in the U.K. Yet, there is no proven efficacy of spinal surgery, actually quite the opposite is true. Yet the public does not know. Why? – politics.

-         The rates of spinal fusion have been increasing yet fewer than half the fusions have been appropriate.

-         Medicare: in the last 5 years of the ‘90s has increased the rate of spinal surgery by 40%, the rate of spinal fusion by 70% and the rate of instrumented fusion by 100%.

DATA SHOWS THAT SPINAL SURGERY IS NOT WORKING as well evidenced by the fact that re-operation rates are increasing when they should be decreasing.

-         Beware of financial ties – watch out (critically) when you read research/study. The question to ask is who sponsors the study?

• There has been a 309 % increase in all opioids use in the U.S. for the period of 1996 – 2002. It is a standard of care now to treat chronic pain only with drugs?!?!  (that can be seen only in the U.S. – personal opinion)
• Is (radiographic) imaging overused?

-         66 % of CTs and MRIs ordered by the primary MD are inappropriate

-         28 – 38 % of CA worker’s compensation MRIs are inappropriate

-         The rate of CTs and MRIs use increases when the MD owns the imaging facility

-         All imaging tests have increased 40% since 2002 with no valid rationale

• As data shows, imaging and drugs are actually not translating into better outcomes. They are actually failing us.
• Remember: complexity does not imply validity, and simplicity does not imply lack of validity.
• By the time, the patient gets to us (the physical therapist), they have already been labeled by the MD (i.e. HNP, DJD, DDD). Labeling is not a healthy things for in itself it is a self fullfilling prophecy – after being labeled, you do feel you really get sick and now you identify yourself as the person with Herniated Nucleus Pulposes.

-         Unfortunately, sometimes we sat ourselves up for failure.

“As long as something is a fact, it doesn’t matter where it came from. If it is an opinion, it matters and mine matters most.”

The Internet/technology revolution brief points from Global Security Seminar…was too busy listening

At the airport, people don’t pull out books anymore. They pull out phones and start calling to only realize after someone answers on the other side that they don’t really have what to tell that person.

* Companies install chips in their technology so to profile users. For example: in TV remote controls there are chips installed. Within the first time of use, they can tell if it’s a woman or a man using it. Within 48 hrs use of the remote control, they can profile every single person in the household. Guess who pioneered it (the chip) – Google.

* Companies also pool information for profiling from your store cards…because they see what you buy and that tells a lot!

* TV is already exploding. People will be watching TV shows on small screen in their pockets 

Today about 4 billion people have cell phones around the globe. In a household with only 1 TV screen, about 16 hrs/week are spent in front of it. In a households with 3 screens – 34 hrs/week. The present day generation, lacks the ability to encode. That is they are less and less able to express what they feel and know what they want because they lack the ability to encode. Why? – mass effect of TV and general media.

So are we really ahead in terms of our technology?  The speaker at the seminar, I believe was sharing that when he was in a so called 3^rd world country (Iran, S. Korea?!?), he parked his car, put money in the meter and then went to enjoy lunch with friends. As time went by, he logged through his phone to check how much more time he had on the meter and renew the time via his cell phone.

What about the teenage soul?

* For the teenager the online community is like a night club. So…what is the worst thing that can happen if you are a teen and in a night club? – run into your mother there. Now, teenagers say their mothers want to befriend them on FB and MySpace.

* The worldwide teenage profile looks something like that:

-         Teenagers never read newspapers, only some magazines. Today’s teenagers are actually more interested in the world. It’s just that they are not using newspaper to get the info.

-         Women’s magazines will survive. For a woman, reading Vogue online is just not the same as touching the thick glossy paper and getting some free samples.

-         Teenagers won’t ever own a landline phone.

-         Teenagers are not wearing watches – they pull out their cell phone to check the time

-         Teenagers don’t understand watching TV on somebody else’s schedule

-         Contrary to common belief, teenagers actually outgrow their belief that any peer is a good peer even if an FB or MySpace stranger. They also outgrow the belief that “they don’t care about the source of the info.” They actually do care…a lot!

Newspapers:

* The LA times is with less than 700,000 subscribers

* The sad truth: every time a newspaper reader dies, he/she is not replaced by new

* Probably, newspapers have 5 more years of life

* People think reading the newspaper is not eco-friendly. They assume that getting info online is “green.” It sure looks like that; yet remember not all is what it seems. Yes, the NY times prints 200 million pieces of paper a day and 2 billion on Sunday. It also needs trucks to distribute them. However, let’s not forget this is all recycled paper. On the other hand, Google is one of the greater polluters. Why? – Because Google has one of the greatest server farms and energy expenditures. On another hand, what happens to old computers? – They go to China where they are melted. The toxins then go into the water supply and then…you know. End point: digital is not as green as it appears to be.

The Big screen

* In the last 10 years, we have seen decrease in movie tickets sold even though there is an increase in $ $ (because cost has increased). For example: Gone with the wind was 24 cents, however more tickets sold. There has been a decrease from 4.3 billion movie tickets sold to 1.4 billion in N. America (with population doubled).

Music industry

* For music sales, to be # 1 selling CD in the ‘80s – ‘90s, you had to sell a minimum of 15 million CDs. For example: Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson, Alanis Morissette. In 2005, #1 was Mariah Carey with 4.9 million. In 2006 – # 1 was Disney’s high School musical with 3.9 million. In 2007, Josh Groban with 3.7 million. In 2008, some band I couldn’t even remember their name with 2.8 million.

This is a blog I wrote several years ago…still not that bad: http://nataliakoteva.wordpress.com/2009/01/05/toxic-culture/

Toxic Culture

Again

I want to vanish in your embrace
where no beginning and no end can find me,
where absolute the present will enfold me
and protect me in its grasp.

~

I want to hear your voice again
revealing a thousand passions,
ardent kisses to burn my moist awaiting lips
and breathe life into my forsaken universe.

~ 

I want to experience you again and forever
to indulge in your omniscient gentle hands,
our bodies intertwined in everlasting moment,
our souls caressed in quiet admiration. . .

 ~

. . .forever yours
forever mine. . .

Heaven rests in my home

 ”To learn how to give and receive unconditional love is the most important lesson everyone must learn…to love, accept, and help everybody without reason nor judgment is how we connect with the universe and it is the biggest lifetime goal a man or woman can achieve.” my friend, Alexander Todorov.

I have been blessed for I had experienced it… I know that my daughter’s father and I were meant to be…just not forever. We were living on different continents and yet we crossed paths. We were brought together… at the same place, at the same time. I still remember the moment I met him. I looked into his eyes and I knew we were destined. I knew I was to have his child. I knew him from before but where from and how I couldn’t explain…another life may be.

I remember…the moment my daughter’s soul was brought to this world. I remember…him and me making love. I remember…how the love I was feeling for that person was expanding limitlessly. I remember the energy of this absolute love opening a new dimension…the Afterlife’s infinite love and vibration. At the moment of sexual culmination, I remember looking into his eyes and him looking into mine…getting lost so to be reborn in ecstasy. Looking into his beautiful eyes… at that very moment, I knew a new soul was being brought to us, to our Earthly dimension. I knew that because I felt it. I experienced the portal open as my earthly body and immortal soul were caressed with pure love and vibration. A part of Heaven flew into the Earth – it was my daughter.

Twenty-three hours in labor, two years recovery from childbirth complications …pain has never been sweeter, more anticipated, and appreciated.

I remember… breathe in, breathe out and push, breathe in, breathe out…

I remember my stamina, determination, and awareness of my bringing this new soul into this world.

I remember…my final gasp for air, my final push.

I remember the very moment this new soul flew out of me, just the way she had flown in me.

I remember my daughter’s first cry…still connected to me with the umbilical cord.

I remember her father cutting it and the doctor handing my Alexandra into my hands.

I remember her instantly stopping crying…the second she felt the warmth of my touch and the softness of my voice…she cuddled up in me and immediately latched onto my breast.

My Alexandra changed my life forever. She made it so much more colorful, beautiful, and real. She brought in more laughter and fun. She thought me about the world and inspired me to strive to be a better human being in everything I do. My daughter taught me unprecedented devotion. I remember…going to school and rushing back home on every two-hour break to nurse her. I remember having to pump my breastmilk in the back seat of my car on shorter school breaks.

My daughter taught me not to be afraid to show my feelings and love myself more for I am a beautiful woman. In the mornings, if she wakes up before me, she comes to my room and crawls up in my bed. She hugs me and whispers in my ear, “Mommy, I love you sooo much.” Then she cuddles up next to me and we welcome the new day.

My daughter taught me patience. The two years of physical pain I was in after I had her helped me develop more strength, patience, and integrity. They helped me expand my love…to my close ones and to the world. Every time I look into my daughter’s eyes, I know I am willing to carry all the pain in the world just to have my Alex. Her eyes speak of another universe where no other feelings exist but an unconditional pure love.

My daughter taught me never to let go of the child in me. We sing and dance together. We play. She loves when I toss her up high in the air; spin her around, do cartwheels, swing, and slide together. She loves getting messy while painting or making chocolate pudding. Her genuine laughter melts my heart.

My daughter taught me compassion. I remember…my daughter getting sick for a very first time. I felt her illness with every cell of my being. And in such a moment, you know you’ll do everything and anything to comfort your child. Your soul is screaming to take on her suffering…and compassion lays deep roots in your heart. You wish no one…NO ONE person in the world had to suffer. Because after all, we all, in everything we are and do, are driven by the same desire: we all want happiness and we all want to be relieved from suffering.

It has been  4 years since my daughter’s father and I divorced. I remember him saying, “You wasted five years of my life.” I said, “You gave me the greatest gift in life – Alexandra.”

Believe me, having a child from the person you had loved so dearly [even if you part your ways and the love fades way] creates magic. The world we live in today…a world of superficiality and drama where love and sex usually don’t go together, may not understand my words. But I know there are some souls who will…because they have experienced a breathtaking holy moment.

I am writing this blog illuminating love, warmth, and happiness. I am typing on my desk in my room. I turn my head to the right and there she is, taking a nap on my bed. She rests her head on her right arm, her left hand underneath her cheek, and her little body (well, actually not that little any more) comfortably stretched. She turns around and scratches her eyes and forehead where her hair has laid on. She whispers something in her sleep. Her face has it all – serenity, peace, warmth… Heaven rests in my home.